Mindset of a mindless mind

But it rained..

noreply@blogger.com (Nikhil) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 17:54:00 +0000

Well does life get any better
More yesterday than today
How I thought the sun would shine tomorrow
But it rained . . .

Finally the rains arrived in Pune. Well not technically arrived yet as the weatherman says the monsoon is yet to hit Pune. But who cares about that really. When there is an India-Pakistan match, it is an India - Pakistan Match, who gives a damn if it is a warm up game with 12 men on each side and umpires deciding on the spot without the aid of the third umpire. Similar to the Bobby Deol Classic Kranti where Bobby believed in - NO FIR NO ARREST.. FAISLA ON THE SPOT. But anyway this post is not about India-Pakistan match (India really owned Pakistan that day though), neither about Kranti (If you haven't watched the movie you are missing something in life though) and certainly not about Bobby Deol . This post is actually about nothing in particular but I will pretend that it is about the rains that lashed Pune on Friday.

The first rains is something I always look forward to every year. It couldn't have happened on a better day this year. Friday was an very important day for me and a lot and I mean a LOT depended on the events of the day. So as I waited long and hard for the particular event to take its own course and unfold, it rained suddenly, with little warning. Suddenly there were strong winds everywhere. I knew I had to get out. I knew I had to hit the road...

So I switched off my cell, tossed it in a corner of my room, got hold of the bike keys and just headed out with only a single desire - to get as drenched as possible. I generally never ride without a helmet, but whats use a helmet when the only reason you are leaving home is to connect with nature. The nearest place to go when you are in such kinda mood from my home is the Tata Motors Colony, my previous residence. The place is beautiful and anyone who has ever been there even once will vouch for it.. So I just headed towards the place.. It was just a slight drizzle, but which definitely promised to pick up.

Since riding aimlessly was the agenda of the evening, just took some random turns, discovered small roads I had never seen before.. and then the rain picked up. A combination of strong winds and really heavy rains seemed tailor made for the day. The raindrops hitting furiously on the face.. felt as if somebody was pricking a million highly pointed needles on you face.. One needle at a time. I must have a traveled at least 40 kms that day, going through highway stretches, small city roads and small unknown lanes. At one point of time, on the NH4, while driving into the wind, the rain drops hitting smack in your eyes, the visibility was so low that you could hardly see a truck driving in front of you. People had lined up all along the roads, taking shelter below tress, near houses, near shops wherever they could.. Probably they had to reach someplace important, probably they were carrying some valuable they didn't want to get wet. But on that day I did not have an office to reach, a function to attend, an appointment to keep, a deal to be made. It was my time with myself. As the wind grew stronger as I rode right into it and as it started to hurt even more, I started deriving even more pleasure out of it. Wished midway that I had carried my little canon to take some pics.

At one point of time I wondered if I was punishing myself for something. I probably was.. I knew something already I guess.. Had thought that the sun would have shined..

But it rained..

PS: A little update to everyone who follows the blog ( yes this is for you, who reached here after googling for you know what) I will be joining SIBM Bangalore next week. Yes finally I bit the MBA bait. Blame it on recession! Thinking about starting a new blog from college and also updating this one for more random posts like these which make no sense except increasing the no of search results for "Booby Deol", "Kranti" and the likes. Whether it materializes or not, only time will tell.

The IT Induction

noreply@blogger.com (Nikhil) — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 20:11:00 +0000

"Welcome to IT. Finally your induction into IT is complete"

Thus spoketh my PM (Project Manager for the lucky uninitiated fellows) at 2.20 AM in the rickety cab as we rushed home from office . It took me almost 18 months.. But yes I had my first night-out at office. Well ok, 2 am is not exactly a night-out but let me bask in this un-glory of mine. And as he rightly added "This must be giving you a lot of satisfaction." Yeah It did. So what if the work I was doing was not exactly rocket science! At least I have the badge of "I-work-till-late-at-night. A badge which is the only certification of hard work these days. As a friend commented as I complained about the late-night stay at office "Ek din kaam karna pada to itna ro raha hai" So its like you don't actually really work in office until you work late.

Ok so I can be found online all day in office and I do reply to all of your messages there, but that is solely due to my multi-tasking skills. I am very good with Alt-Tab! I really am! I actually do work in office hours. Too bad if you cannot believe that anyone could have such awesome multitasking skills! I could show you some of my appreciation mails but they are confidential and proprietary (If anyone from my office is reading this, they are so confidential that even you guys have no clue about it!) Anyway this is not what not this post was supposed to be all about. But how could I let go off such a golden opportunity to prove to some of my dear friends who no matter what cannot ever believe that I do some sort of work in office.

Coming back, Yes I am a real IT professional now. My mom can proudly tell everyone that I come late at home from office. I can tell my IT friends - what the hell even I have been at office till early morning at times. I can tell my non-IT friends - Hell do I even have any non - IT friends? Only a few that I can count on my fingers. Ok I can tell them yes there is actually some real work that goes on in IT and such critical work that demands me to be in office for 20 hours at a stretch.

So now officially I Mr Nikhil Kulkarni from Pune work till early morning at office too. So now please don't give me that what-do- you-know-about-working-late-looks again. I do now, and to be frank I didn't find it to be as ego-boosting as you guys made it out to be!

19 Facts nobody really wants to know

noreply@blogger.com (Nikhil) — Sat, 29 Sep 2007 03:20:00 +0000

Ok found something to change the mood of the blog... First time I am picking off some tag.. Neel tagged me along here and so I decided to oblige the poor guy by replying to it :D

So here it goes:

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.

No scars as such.. A few stitches mark on the middle finger of the left hand which I got when I was about 7-8 and I decided to check out if those pointed javelin like things they put on gates of apartments are really sharp or just there to frighten people. I assure you they are for real. A fresh but temporary one being the the mark I have on my right leg when my over-grown ego decided to check who was hotter? Me or the silencer on the bike.. The silencer won..

2. What does your phone look like?

It goes up and it goes down.. The slider W830i... And more than how it looks like the important thing is how it sounds.. Just awesome.. One of the few electronic items that I have not repented after buying.. Then again its been less than 4 months.. so maybe that's why..

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?

Absolutely Nothing.. For someone as confused as me there's no point in putting up anything on the walls. Nothing manages to hold my attention for long. But there was a time some years ago when there were 3 Sachin Tendulkar posters in my room... And then my house got painted....

4. What is your current desktop picture?

A wonderful picture of the horizon where the blue sky seems to meet the green grass.. Mr Bill Gates likes it and so do I.. The number of times I screw up my machine and reformat it it is just pointless to have wall papers. Last wall paper I remember was my sis putting up her own pic.. Now even she has given up I think..

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?

Yes.. Jab miya-miya raazi to kya karega kaazi..

6. What do you want more than anything right now?

Old Answer: Someone!!!!!
Edit: This answer seems to be giving out the wrong connotations. Its not like I am looking out for just about anyone. But since the answer seems to suggest that, I think I would be changing it to ummm errr... how about "True Love" Wow how creative of me... Ok so the new answer is

New Answer: True Love

7 . What time were you born?

00.40 am 4th December 1983. It was a Sunday. And I took my time.. Almost one month more than what the doctor had expected..

8. Are your parents still together?

YES! Completing 30 glorious years this March

9. Last person who made you cry?

My parents - reason not asked so will not be given.. Other times have felt like crying a lot, but the tears just don't come out..

10. What is your favorite perfume / cologne?

None.. Have tried AXE a few times and it did not work and it was depressing..

11. What kind of hair/eye colour do you like in the opposite sex?

Bah! But since I have decided that I will answer every question, how about black hair and black eyes. I have beautiful different colour eyes and no-one even notices it. So what's the point of having beautiful eyes..

12. What are you listening to?

"Shine on you crazy diamond" - Pink Floyd

13. Do you get scared of the dark?

There was a time when I used to.. But no not now.. Some fear of dark I still have when I am outside is more due to stray dogs, buffaloes and cats. Yes, They have all chased me... Ok I know the chances of buffaloes chasing me in the night are as good as India winning the FIFA world cup.. But why take a chance!

14. Do you like pain killers?

A big emphatic No.. Have taken 7 stitches inside my mouth 5 years ago without a drop of anesthesia.. Beat that! Don't think a single pain-killer has ever made it inside my body..

15. Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Yes and No.. Have asked someone out only once and it was a disaster.. So probably I am cautious if not shy now.. So everyone who is reading this take a hint.. All my guy friends can safely ignore this point.

16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?

I always eat everything that I want. .So no special desires left as such.. Anything that is red, spicy and smells ok.. bring it on..

17. Who was the last person who made you mad?

Someone who jumped traffic lights just as it was my turn to cross the road..

18. Who was the last person who made you smile?

The same person who manages to take me to the almost-crying-but-no-tears stage. If I would have kept a balance-sheet of all this I am sure smiles would outnumber almost-tears by a huge margin

19. Is someone in love with you?
No. At least I don't know of anyone...
Oh ya I forgot.. I love myself if that counts. I rock \m/

Ok now I would like to pass this thing on to a few more people:
Sunila: Probabaly this will be the excuse she needs to get back to blogging.
Umang: Maybe this would stop her from taking stupid tests and putting up their results on the blog :P
Eka: His status message on gtalk reads "Idle" as I type this, and thats something pretty weird for him.. So here it goes...
May add more names if I remember later....

One final time

noreply@blogger.com (Nikhil) — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 06:28:00 +0000

It was not what it seemed to be... I realised it 3 days after my last post. Expecting too much... Pushing things.. And what did it yield? Pain, anxiousness, misery, sufferings and much more for no fault of anyone - anyone except me of course. But its really fine now. I realised something and I am thankful I did it before it was too late- before I lost something that I care for so much and I think its the same other way round. Actually it does not matter if it is that way or not. At least I feel it is and that is what matters ;-)

Anyway I learned it the hard way - but if thats the way it was meant to be then so be it. But I am back now.. With no regrets, no grudges.. The post before this one stands null and void :-) Only if I could have waited for a few days I would have never written that post at all .Even now I go on and delete that post and not many would remember that it even existed. But I will let it stay.. To remind myself of all my mistakes. The most important being - trying to look for something at the wrong place at the wrong time. It has taught me a lot. I will be more careful next time :-)

So for one final time apologies to some, heart-felt thanks to some others. This chapter is over- believe me. And I have no regrets about it all. It made me stronger. Thats all I can say.

I am back to being normal, back to being the chirpy, non-sensical human being with a tiny little sense of humour.

And anyone who gives you the advice *Don't think about it too much* - don't believe them. Thinking helps.. It helped me.. More details about that in the next post ;-)

Sometimes....

noreply@blogger.com (Nikhil) — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 04:10:00 +0000

Whatever I write here today will be totally biased. Whatever I write will be incomplete.. Something that I would not not like to be confined to a boundary of few hundred words.. So better not .. So why this post? Whats the "use" or "fayda"? Only if I was capable of doing things which always had some fayda.. Only If... Only If it could be alright.. But It's ok.. No regrets.. I will survive..

You come into this world alone.. You die alone.. Who says you can't live alone..

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone

Its all in the mind

noreply@blogger.com (Nikhil) — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 13:33:00 +0000

"You've got to let it all go, Neo. Fear, doubt, and disbelief. Free your mind."

Thats what Morpheus told Neo.. We all need a Morpheus at some point of time in our lives. Many a times he's inside us waiting to be heard. We hear his faint voices. Some are good enough to listen to him, while most just keep telling him "Yeah I hear you, but can you just wait for a moment. Just a moment, until I finish my task at work. Just a moment, until I am over with that party tonight. Just a moment, until that cricket world cup is over. just a moment, until I catch that movie tonight. Just a moment, until I finish that last bottle of beer. Can you please wait just a moment. I will surely get back to you tomorrow on this" That tomorrow never arrives. All that happens maybe is a little feeling of guilt which takes what a day or two to disappear. You get back to cribbing about your life..Morpheus never stops though. He keeps on talking to you. But you have become so used to him now, that you don't even feel like replying to him. Not even saying"Just a moment" And thats when the alarm bells should start ringing, but they don't. Why - because you are too "busy" anyway

And that's when you require a Morpheus whose external to you. A Morpheus to tell you exactly the same things that you know, but with a difference. You dare not turn a deaf ear to this one, thats because you love this Morpheus, care for him, probably more than yourself. You don't want to lose him at any cost. You have no option but listen to him. And thats not difficult when you know that what he's saying is so right. The essence of it all really is about *freeing the mind* . Letting go of that fear, doubt. Taking Control.....

I found my Morpheus at 3 AM on a just another boring night. And I will not let him down. And as a small part of the plan I hereby promise that this and some of the other blogs of mine will be updated at least once in a fortnight. And this time I mean business. Thank You Morpheus.

Hope that all of you find your Morpheus' soon..

Just for a post

noreply@blogger.com (Nikhil) — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 06:25:00 +0000

This is a post just for a post. just because there has been no post for long.
This post does not mean that I have anything special to say. I am as confused as ever.. After all these years of existence on this planet I have realized that the confusion is here to stay. Only thing that changes is the bone of contention of the confusion. Life ceases to be simple and easy so many times. Why? Why is there not a book which has answers to all of the questions that life crops up from time to time? You know at times, that whatever you have planned has a very good chance of being successful say 90% but why is that the other 10% overcomes the 90% . The fear of rejection.. why does it overcome all other things? Procrastination.... That is where all these things lead.. You just think, think and think. Algorithms begin to flow in your head, If this then that, if yes then here or if no then nowhere. Eventually you realize that you are just where you began - at the Start button. Ironically the thing where it all actually stops is known as a Start button.

you do anything but the right thing. You try to read between the lines. You try to look for clues..
Then one day you realize that it's too late. Its not late yet I know.. but........

I thought I knew

noreply@blogger.com (Nikhil) — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 09:13:00 +0000

Presenting below is a very amateur attempt at poetry. Had written these long time ago on the spur of the moment. My present state of mind is much similar to what it was then. Hence producing it here one more time

I thought I knew….

I thought I knew the secrets of life
I thought I knew when she smiled at me
I thought I knew what I would say to thee
And then she comes around and says to me
"What do you think about him and me?"

And then I thought about life one more time
And then a realization dawned on me this time
which is difficult to present in a rhyme
So I will say it and break the rhyme this time

The fact of matter being I always thought I knew too much
but at the end I knew I thought too much

Festival de Film

noreply@blogger.com (Nikhil) — Thu, 03 Aug 2006 11:25:00 +0000

What better thing to beat boredom then some movies. So movies is what is raining on my machine these days. Whether a PIII with 192 ram qualifies to be called a machine is a question of belief\faith more than anything else. An no one can shake my faith in my *machine*, at least not until I get a dual core with 2 GB RAM that is ;) So movies it is. Followed by some more movies. Some seen.. Some unseen.. Some partially seen... Some partially unseen... Some of those would be "The Matrix" trilogy (Matrix Revolutions scheduled for today), Thirteenth Floor, Naked Gun, Gods must be Crazy, Rang De Basanti, and also a Marathi one "Navra majhya Navsacha"

So these days I am in "Matrix" mode. No! I don’t go away trying to bend spoons or perform *Mithun*ian stunts, but a little more lost in my attempt of self-realization, which is good or bad I don’t know. More on that later...

Next in line is the Final Destination trilogy. If you can suggest some good sci-fi/horror movies then nothing like it.

PS: This post is yet another attempt to get to regular blogging (defined as once a week). And why the French Title? Why not!

I Love Ekta Kapoor

noreply@blogger.com (Nikhil) — Wed, 14 Jun 2006 04:43:00 +0000

I never thought that I would say this.... But yes the moment has finally arrived...

About a week back one of her flagship shows "Kyonki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi" took one more of its regular twists in the form of a generation leap... And that was enough to drive my mom who had survived the show for 6 long years away from it.. 6 long years of births, deaths, rebirths, marriages, divorces and then re-marriages and much much more. So in fact this indeed is a occasion to celebrate. I never imagined that I would live to see this day. So heres a small speech for the occasion.

"I want to thank Ekta Kapoor for these wonderful turn of events. This day would have never been possible without you . And also the writers for burning the midnight oil and following their boss's instructions and coming up with crappiest of stuff ever seen on television. Thank you to all of you wondeful writers for amazingly exceeding yourself this time and coming up with crap even worse than ever before. Seriously this is no mean feat.. And also to the wonderful actors who I am sure must be having a big laugh together afer every scene. The (lack of/excess of) expressions shown by you guys whenever faced with situations like " a husband who thinks that his wife is actually dead and is looking out for other options, is suddenly confronted back with the same old wife whom he had happily cremated a few months earlier" is simply outstanding.... I have to go and stand out of the room whenever I see scenes such as these....

Thank You everyone.... I will miss you guys and all the excitement. But I will manage somehow by watching some mundane sports or some boring documentaries on Discovery Channel"

Back To Impressions

noreply@blogger.com (Nikhil) — Fri, 09 Jun 2006 09:27:00 +0000

I am back! I received lots of enquiries about my blog. Ok Ok. It was one online and one offline. But that was enough for me to get back to my long forgotten blog. And now when I look back at the posts I am glad that I wrote those at that time. For me all the tenses are of equal importance. I do not forget my past, nor do I screw my present for the future.

Life past Fool’s Day has been totally different from the life prior to it…… And it looks like this blog in the future will reflect only “positive” impressions.

And yes I still do not like it when people judge others based on their CAT percentile or the payslip they take home :D

My Mom on TV

noreply@blogger.com (Nikhil) — Fri, 07 Apr 2006 06:51:00 +0000

It was a proud moment for my family and me as my mom appeared on NDTV PROFIT in a programme titled as Beyond Business on 4^th of April. The programme focused on the various initiatives taken by Tata Motors as part of its Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) for the housewives of the employees working in the company. My mom works as a Chairperson, Tata Motors Grihini Cable Harness Society, part of the Tata Motors Grihini Vividh Karyakari Sahakari Audyogic Sanstha Maryadit (loosely translated as the Tata Motors housewives' multipurpose industrial cooperative society limited), and spoke about her department in detail with the host of the show.

It was a unique experience to see someone from your own family on TV, and definitely something to cherish for a lifetime.

Reunion Of The Batch of 99 – III (12th March 2006)

noreply@blogger.com (Nikhil) — Wed, 29 Mar 2006 06:55:00 +0000

Yeh daulat bhi lelo, yeh shoharat bhi lelo
Bhale cheen lo, mujhse meri jawani
Magar mujhko lautado bachpan ka saawan
Woh kagaz ki kashti, woh baarish ka paani

Jagjit Singh rocks!

Its been more than two weeks since the reunion, and its now that I get down to writing about it. So after planning the event for about 6 months it finally happened. We had talked about this in our yahoo group a lot and good to see it finally materialize. So after calling up people and also personally visiting them, the evening actually happened. The turnout was not as high as the previous reunions, but that is to be expected with each passing year and people settling in different parts of the world.

Last time we met was in December 2003. So it felt great to catch up with everyone after so many years. Its been 7 years since we left school, but after talking about all the good and not so good experiences in school, it just felt like yesterday that we would be sitting on those benches, with plans to take on the world. The place where I have spent more than half of my life suddenly seemed to come alive once again.

The 12 years at my school were the best time I ever had in my life. And what made those days beautiful were the people that were around me. And meeting all these people again made the evening a memorable one. The people that you have grown up with. People that know you better than the most. People who will not judge you on the basis of your CAT percentile or the current salary that you are drawing. The people that you can be without having any pretensions.

All in all a wonderful evening. Its true that time flies when you need it the most. All of us were left wanting for more. And promises were made to be in touch and meet over the weekends. But everyone knows that it might actually be years until we meet again….

So till then memories of those rocking 12 years is all we have to cherish….. The 12 years spent at Vidya niketan School (Tata Motors)....... Those were the best days of my life.....

Down But Not Out

noreply@blogger.com (Nikhil) — Sat, 04 Mar 2006 13:29:00 +0000

"We'll be singing
When we're winning
We'll be singing

I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down"

There’s a song for every moment. And this particular one – “Tubthumping” By "Chumbawamba” fits the moment perfectly. Well the MBA entrance season is over for me officially, unless of course I have some amazing stroke of luck in CET. But I am not overly disappointed about that fact, because I know where I stand and the way to go ahead. It’s going to take a lot more than this to get me down and out. The way I see it is that the success that I will eventually get one day will be that much more sweeter. So this is just a small block in the road of life, where I stumbled. It does not mean that I give up walking. But there is one more aspect to this.

It’s the negative energy generated by people around me that gets to me sometime. Why do people have to be so much interested in others life? I mean its not that difficult to distinguish a genuine concern from a mocking statement, Is It? Its not that I care a lot about them, but it does get to you at one point of time. You start doubting yourself for a few moments

But not for long. I greet a lot of these people with a smile. And I know that they find it hard to digest, and want me to break down and present a sob story before them. But no that’s never going to happen. So I feel like saying “Go get a life” Just be happy that you have found so called “success” in life by having a well-paid job. Party about the fact that your son is earning in lakhs per year to warm some benches. But please try and not think too much about me. I know it’s difficult but please give it a shot.

And yes, please do not ask me who these people are? It could be you as well!

Rang De Basanti

noreply@blogger.com (Nikhil) — Wed, 22 Feb 2006 04:18:00 +0000

Well. A great movie! Nice story, good music, honest performances and well-written dialogues. I watched it twice with different people. Thoroughly entertaining! Everyone has a opinion on it. Some people are totally in love with the movie, while some are unhappy because of the end. I will put myself in both the categories.

In terms of a movie – a plain entertaining flick its a good one. Good entertainment and “Paisa Wasool”. Perfectly made, as a Hindi commercial film should be. The director Rakesh (or Rakeysh whatever) Mehra has caught the pulse of the audience perfectly, which he miserably failed to do in his first movie AKS. As long as you don’t try to extract some message or read too much into the story its fine. In terms of pure entertainment definitely ***** (Read as 5 star)

Now coming to the second part. Many people I hear are “awakened” by this film. I fail too understand this. Do we really need a movie to be awakened? I mean all that is happening around us in our daily lives, what about that! If we are not affected by that and need some heroes on screen to tell us what we should be doing, where are we heading? How long is this so called “awakening” going to last, if at all it is really present? There have been movies before like RDB before, and I see some more coming definitely in the near future after success of this one. And as long as they entertain me I don’t mind. But I don’t see any film awakening me. I can somewhat relate to the part where they get transformed gradually when they live the lives of the revolutionaries, but what follows later in the story is nothing but a commercial (box-office) demand being ceded to.

Its not that I am a social worker or that I go around helping people or awakening people (Not yet at least). But I also do not pretend to be one. So I can never say that I feel “different” after watching Rang De Basanti. Rang De Basanti is a great, entertaining, well-made commercial film, and that’s where it stops for me. And yes all your valuable comments invited. That’s what blogs are for I feel….

Something About Me

noreply@blogger.com (Nikhil) — Sun, 19 Feb 2006 12:36:00 +0000

No. This is not the place where you will find all the crap that you are expected to say in your interviews when asked the inevitable question"Tell me something about yourself." Those things are meant for that, and not for blogs. So who am I? And what am I? Well, still trying to figure out myself. I have noticed that when i begin writing, I discover things about myself that I never knew. So this blog is meant for a pretty selfish reason. Currently I can be best described as a jobless Engineer with no MBA calls (well a few). So where does life go from here? I dont know. The situation should be pretty clear by this month end, whether or not I am doing a MBA this year. I know that I have not given my best shot at MBA preps this year. So I dont know whether or not I will be happy with whatever the outcome is. Currently reading the Fountainhead, and trying to look into self and not to be a second-hander. Those who have read Fountainhead would understand it. Its tough to figure out what would me make me really happy, rather than others perception of me to be happy. Or maybe its that I can figure out what i want, but I dont have the courage to accept it and pursue it. Maybe some day i will. Thats enough of philosophy for now. What else? Nothing. Lots of "Maybe's" and questions present here. But thats what I am right now. Full of questions. But sure I will find the answers pretty soon. I will....